The first eliminated castaway calls from Survivor 43 [Spoiler] ‘Full nonsense’

The following contains spoilers from survivor‘s season 43 premiere.

We now know who the (un)lucky recipient of the Sonja Christopher First Out Trophy became.

Which isn’t real at all. But it feels like there should be some sort of consolation prize for enduring a lengthy casting process to fly around the world, quarantine for two weeks, and only get booted into your lifetime dream for three days. Well, if there was a Sonja-specific medal to award, survivor 43‘s Morriah Young would have taken the cake.

In Wednesday’s season premiere, it was all kumbaya for the Baku tribe, who seemed to really bond and enjoy themselves… until they lost the season’s first immunity challenge. Despite aiming to celebrate “girl power,” Elie and Jeanine turned against Morriah Young and opted to oust their sidekick instead of Morriah’s assumed target, Owen. (Click here for a full summary.)

Below, Morriah speaks to TVLine about what we didn’t see at the premiere, reminiscing about her late mother and the almost-move, which she thought was “complete bullshit.”

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TVLINE | Tell me how it felt when you first arrived at the beach.
MORRIAH YOUNG | It felt like Christmas! It’s like I told my parents what I want for Christmas, I go under that tree, I rip off that package and it’s like, ‘This is what I wanted!’ It was that screaming moment and that Excitement and racing indoors. You want to hold on to this gift all day long, it’s the only thing you want to occupy your time with and you’re happy about it. That’s how it felt.

TVLINE | It looked like you, Jeanine and Elie were about to get tight! What has happened there?
I don’t know if anything necessarily went wrong. I think it was just the perception that I’m the weakest in the tribe. I think the mindset of me and the ladies changed and we went in two different directions. I had this mindset like, ‘I want to keep the Tribe positive and I want to rise up and we’ve done that and let’s move on!’ and I think ladies wanted to start being a little more strategic. you saw me [being] out of the game as the best route for them to progress.

TVLINE | On your way out you told the tribe it was fine and that you love them…but it is Yes, really OK? Any hard feelings?
No, there are no hard feelings. It’s really okay. I immediately missed my tribe. I definitely miss them all. We really were like family out there, and of course it feels so silly to the people back home. And I know people get really upset about that because they’re like, “We want to see a cutthroat game!” But we’ve made these real, authentic connections while we’re stranded out there on this island in the middle of Fiji, and that doesn’t just go away. We came into the game knowing it’s a game, but the connections you make are real and true. So there’s really no hard feelings on my part.

TVLINE | Who do you think is the weakest out there?
I don’t see anyone as the weakest, nor do I see anyone as the strongest. I think we all bring our own different strengths and weaknesses to the table. And I really think it depends on the challenge. It can be a challenge where raw power is the key and then Sami could be the strongest at that moment. It could be a puzzle, it could be a brain teaser. It might be something that takes a lot of adrenaline or steam for endurance, or you might need to be agile. I think it just depends on what the challenge is that determines what strength is needed at that moment. I don’t see myself as the weakest, so it didn’t hurt me at all to hear that. I think it was just their truth and they lived by it and I’m glad they stood behind it and did what they thought was best for them.

TVLINE | The first immunity challenge looked like a dope! What was the hardest part?
See! You start us in the mud! I couldn’t see the whole challenge. I tried to wipe the mud off my face, but the mud on my hands got in my eyes. Then going into the wood shavings only made the rest of the challenge more difficult. I think if it was the other way around and we had to do the table maze first, then climb up the wall and then go under the sand, then we could have used the mud to cool off. That would have been a lot easier!

TVLINE | When Gabler told the tribe that he would not use his idol but would rather opt for the shot in the dark, what was your reaction to that pure madness?!
It was Bu-double-l crap. “This is complete nonsense! Gabler’s nuts. What is he talking about?” I wanted to step out of my body and say, “Sir, play your idol. What are you doing?” I just didn’t believe it. And I was scratching my head trying to understand, “Wow, either Gabler is a joker or he’s cheating on us.” Those were my two thoughts. It just didn’t make sense. Then when he brought up the shot in the dark, I was like, “Wow, that’s really cuckoo.” Well, I definitely didn’t believe it. I was very confused. I just didn’t think he wouldn’t play it.

TVLINE | Baka ran a random draw to select the player who would take the boat ride. did you want to go
I was so insecure at the moment. I was so indecisive. I was like, “Ooh, I want to go because I want to try everything!” but then the other part of me said, “But I don’t want to have a goal on my back,” because when you go, we know it’s there will give an advantage outside. At first I was relieved when it didn’t make it to me, because now I didn’t have to worry about what I would say to the tribe when I returned. It was something I didn’t have to worry about. But when Gabler came back and had the idol, I was like, ‘Damn, I wish I had that idol,’ so it was two different things.

TVLINE | What haven’t we seen on TV in the first three days?
i have two things The first thing I had to do for me was as we recovered from that lost challenge, the first thing we did before we even started strategizing was get the fire together. We took a look because we heard Elie say, “Let’s stick a pin in it and work on the fire.” Our fire was completely extinguished. Jeff had taken our flint as punishment, so we all decided it didn’t matter who came back. Whoever came back, we wanted to make sure they had fire. All six of us crouched and blew on those embers. We worked on this fire for an hour and a half before we started strategizing. If there was anything that summed up the essence of our tribe, it was this moment. We really were a family and we really loved and cared for each other. It was a beautiful moment that I wish the world could have seen.

The second was my reason for playing. I wish it had a bigger role in the episode. I came to survivoryes, because I love the game and have been watching it since I was a kid, but I got into it too survivor to commemorate my mother. [Watching it] was something she enjoyed doing. I had this bucket list of things to do to honor her memory. My mother was a teacher, so I became a teacher. She was going to Hawaii, so I went there to scatter her ashes. And so survivor was the last thing I wanted to do to commemorate her because I know it’s a game she’s always wanted to play. I wish this reason to play had a little more room in the episode.

TVLINE | What would you have liked to have done differently? Any regrets?
No, no regrets. Nothing I wish I would have done differently. Sometimes, I’ll say this, I have dreams of me playing my shot in the dark and getting up and pulling it out of my little kangaroo pocket of my jumpsuit and saying, “Jeff, hold on!” and he unrolls the scroll, “Shot in the Dark” and it says “Safe”. Sometimes I think I should have, but who knows? It’s a one in six shot so the odds were very slim but it’s not really a regret. It’s just a miracle. That would have been really cool and interesting. But otherwise no. No regret.

TVLINE | When you go to Tribal, did you even think that maybe you should play it?
When I went to write Owen’s name, I thought, “Should I write his name or should I play him?” When I went to the Tribal Council, I had no initial thoughts of playing it. As I felt the change in the tribal council and got this deep gut feeling, I started thinking maybe I should. But I didn’t listen to my gut, so I got voted out!