Matthew Perry opens up about his addiction journey with new memoir: ‘I’m grateful to be alive’

Brian Bowen Smith

Matthew Perry is ready to share the truth about his life.

That friends Star, 53, popular for his portrayal of Chandler Bing on the hit TV series, has written a heartbreakingly beautiful memoir, Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing (available Nov. 1), in which he details his journey – one filled with incredible highs and harrowing lows.

“I wanted to share when I was sure I wasn’t going back to the dark side of it all,” he tells PEOPLE exclusively in this week’s cover story. “I had to wait until I was pretty sure I was sober – and off the active illness of alcoholism and addiction – to write it all down. And the main thing was, I was pretty sure it would help people.”

Perry begins his memoir by revealing that he almost died a few years ago at the age of 49.

The actor publicly admitted at the time that he was suffering from gastrointestinal perforation and had in fact been fighting for his life for weeks after his colon ruptured from opioid overuse. He spent two weeks in a coma and five months in the hospital, and had to use a colostomy bag for nine months.

Brian Bowen Smith

When he was first admitted to the hospital, “my family’s doctors said I had a two percent chance of survival,” he recalls. “I was hooked up to a thing called an ECMO machine, which does all the breathing for your heart and lungs. And that means Hail Mary. Nobody survives that.”

TIED TOGETHER: Matthew Perry reveals the cover and title of his upcoming autobiography, ‘I Have Lived to Tell the Tale’

When Perry was first cast friends at the age of 24 his alcohol addiction was just beginning to surface. “I could handle it, sort of. But when I was 34, I was really in a lot of trouble,” he admits. “But there were years when I was sober during that time. Season 9 was the year I was sober all the time. And guess what season I was nominated for Best Actor? I thought, ‘That should tell me something.’ “

The story goes on

At a terrible point during his friends During the reign, Perry took 55 Vicodin a day and was down to 128 pounds. “I didn’t know how to quit,” he said. “If the police came to my house and said, ‘If you drink tonight, we’ll take you to jail,’ I would start packing. I couldn’t stop because the disease and addiction are progressing. So it gets worse with age.”

David Bjerke/NBC

TIED TOGETHER: Courteney Cox says Matthew Perry “put a lot of pressure on himself” during this time. friends

Although Perry tried to hide his condition, the dramatic changes in his appearance each year reflected his state of sobriety. His castmates “were understanding and patient,” he adds. “It’s like penguins. Penguins in nature, when one is sick or very injured, the other penguins surround and support them. They walk around him until this penguin can walk on his own Cast did for me.”

Open about his relapses — he’s been to rehab 15 times over the years — Perry has become adept at the tools needed to maintain sobriety. “I’m pretty healthy now,” he says, before joking, “I don’t have to go to the gym much anymore because I don’t want to just be able to play superheroes. But no, I’m a pretty healthy guy at the moment.”

He prefers not to reveal how long he’s been sober, but he still counts every day. “It’s important, but losing your sobriety doesn’t mean you lose all that time and education,” he says. “Your sober date changes, but that’s all that changes. You know everything you knew before, as long as you were able to fight your way back without dying, you learn a lot.”

He too has his scars: he has had 14 operations on his abdomen so far. “That’s a lot of reminders to stay sober,” he says. “I just have to look down.”

His push to quit drug use? “My therapist said, ‘The next time you think about taking Oxycontin, just think about having a colostomy bag for the rest of your life,'” Perry recalls. “And a little window opened up and I crawled through it and I don’t want any more Oxycontin.”

Now Perry is more determined than ever to help others who are also struggling with addiction. “That night five people were hooked up to an ECMO device, the other four died and I survived,” he says. “So the big question is why? Why was I the one? There must be some reason.”

For those reading the book, “I think you’ll be surprised at how bad it got at certain times and how close I was to death,” he says. “I say in the book that it would shock people if I died, but it wouldn’t surprise anyone. And living with that is a very scary thing. So I hope that people identify with it and know that this disease affects everyone. It doesn’t matter if you succeed or not, the disease doesn’t care.

For more on Matthew Perry, see the latest issue of PEOPLE, available on newsstands everywhere Friday.

When it comes to gratitude, Perry has learned that “it all starts with sobriety. Because if you don’t have sobriety, you’re going to lose everything you put before it, so my sobriety is at the top,” he says. “I’m an extremely grateful guy. I’m grateful to be alive, that’s for sure. And that gives me the opportunity to do everything.”

The journey, while incredibly dark at times, has made Perry stronger “in every way,” he points out. “What surprises me the most is my resilience. The way I can recover from all this torture and horror. I wanted to tell the story, even if it’s a bit scary to tell all your secrets in one book, I didn’t leave anything out. It’s all in there.”

But it’s also a story “that’s filled with hope,” he adds. “Because I’m here.”

If you or someone you know is struggling with substance abuse, please contact the SAMHSA helpline at 1-800-662-HELP.