How to talk to older people about their relationship with alcohol

When you think of binge drinking you might think of the image of a tipsy teenager stumbling out of a pub on a Friday night, but the reality is that it’s not just young people who consume unsafe amounts of alcohol.

“We know from our work with the over-50s that one third of older people with a drinking problem develop it for the first time later in life,” says Steph Keenan, operations manager at With You (wearewithyou.org.uk). Research by the charity shows that 80% of this age group drink at home alone, which can be triggered by retirement or a bereavement.

“For some, the sudden senseless stretch at home leads to a bottle-neck,” she adds. “We find that many older people don’t necessarily understand what constitutes ‘hazardous’ drinking levels, so don’t think twice about drinking four or five beers or three or four glasses of wine in a single sitting.”

The risks of excessive drinking

“Drinking at any age is harmful, but for older people it can be disastrous,” says Janey Lee Grace, author of Happy Healthy Sober and founder of The Sober Club (thesoberclub.com).

“Alcohol is linked to over 200 diseases, including cancer. It’s detrimental to gut health and causes inflammation, it’s terrible for the heart, and any chronic disease is made worse by regular or binge drinking.”

Excessive alcohol consumption is particularly dangerous for older people for a number of reasons, firstly because our bodies have a harder time digesting alcohol as we age.

“Part of the reason is that we have more body fat, which alcohol is less able to break down, and the effects of alcohol can stay in our system longer,” explains Keenan.

It can also increase anxiety and depression: “Sometimes people get caught in a cycle where they drink to relieve these problems but only make them worse in the long run,” she adds.

Excessive drinking could increase the risk of accidents like slips or falls and affect longevity, says Lee Grace: “Alcohol has a negative impact on aging and actually shortens telomeres (the markers of aging),” says Dr. Anna Topiwala, the lead clinical investigator in a study recently published in Nature.com.

So what’s the best way to talk to a friend or family member if you’re concerned about their drinking habits?

While you might be tempted to bring up the subject when a person is drinking (or even drunk) to prove a point, this tactic could backfire.

“The right moment isn’t when you’re arguing or when the other person is emotional or angry,” says Keenan. “Try to have a calm, face-to-face conversation in a private place where you won’t be interrupted.”

If the person becomes defensive or angry, it’s best to back off and give them some space.

“It doesn’t mean you failed,” adds Keenan. “Just say something like, ‘Okay, that’s enough for today, but can we please continue these chats?'”

Instead of reeling off a list of health risks, try structuring the conversation around the benefits of reducing alcohol consumption.

“If you go straight in with great concern and try to get them to stop, the situation is likely to get worse,” says Lee Grace. “Try to suggest ways of support and focus on positive sobriety… and creating a life you don’t want to escape from.”

Try starting your sentences with “I” instead of “you” to emphasize that you’re not being judgmental, Keenan suggests. “Talk about how worried you are, for example, ‘I’m really worried about you.’ Avoid sentences that start with you, such as B. ‘You’re a mess’.”

And remember that giving up alcohol isn’t necessarily the end goal for everyone, she adds: “For some people, success can come in reducing the amount they drink or in quitting drinking on their own. For others, sobriety may work best for them.”

You’re unlikely to be able to resolve the issue in a chat, and that’s fine.

“It will take a while for your loved one to process what you said to them,” says Keenan. “They may want to end the conversation and resume it when they’ve had a chance to gather their thoughts. It’s important to give them the time and space to do that.”

If the first conversation is difficult or the person tells you they don’t want to talk about it again, you may want to write a letter or email to calmly express your concerns.

Keenan says, “If communication has broken down between you and someone else, a letter can also be a great way to get the conversation going again.”