Our minds can be programmed to always want more

One way our brains are wired for dissatisfaction is called the “paradox of choice.”

Most people would intuitively agree that they like having options. But experts say too many options, especially when they’re similar, make us less happy.

“I’ve always viewed too many choices as one of the causes of constant unhappiness, because too many choices make you less happy with the choices you make,” says Dr. Danesh Alam, behavioral health medical director at Northwestern Medicine Central DuPage Hospital in Illinois, told Healthline. “Something is always [you] could have chosen, that could have been better.”

And the dissatisfaction doesn’t necessarily stop after the decision.

“You would think that once you made the choice, you would move on. But once you’ve made the choice, you’re still stuck with ‘this or that would have been better,'” Alam said.

What can you do about it?

Sheila M. Dowd, PhD, associate professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Rush University Medical Center in Chicago, told Healthline that “creating a ‘pros and cons list’ might help narrow down some of the options.”

“It takes time, but it will help you determine and prioritize your own goals and prioritize those options,” she said.

dr Jonathan L. Kaplan, an assistant professor of psychiatry and internal medicine who also works at Rush University Medical Center, told Healthline that it helps to recognize that not all decisions are equally important.

“If this is a decision of high importance and consequence, then [you] should be encouraged to take additional time to consider the options,” Kaplan said. “However, if this is a decision of little importance and little consequence, then it is less important to consider all options and simply recognize that each option is good and likely to lead to about the same satisfaction with the outcome.”

dr Alex Dimitriu, a psychiatrist and founder of Menlo Park Psychiatry & Sleep Medicine in California and BrainfoodMD, told Healthline he agrees with the practice.

“In a situation with too many choices, it’s important to settle for ‘good enough’. In my work with high-performing patients, I always emphasize the statement that ‘the enemy of good is better,'” said Dimitriu.

“Indeed, finding peace with ‘good enough’ and actually enjoying it — through gratitude, mindfulness, etc. — can lead to a suboptimal choice, but to a significantly higher level of satisfaction,” Dimitriu added.

What is sometimes referred to as the “hedonic treadmill” is another phenomenon that can drag you into a cycle of unhappiness.

In essence, this means that the happiness brought on by achievement is usually fleeting.

“People adapt quickly to improvements in life and it becomes their ‘new normal’. It shows how difficult happiness can be,” Dowd said.

“As expectations of ourselves regarding our own … performance grow, it becomes increasingly difficult to achieve a new level of achievement, and therefore more difficult to have the positive feelings of such achievement,” Kaplan said.

“Equally important is the novelty of a new achievement. The first time a certain achievement is achieved, it is very rewarding; However, in the future there will be diminishing returns for the same type of performance,” he added.

Experts believe practicing mindfulness is one way to avoid getting caught up in achievement and overconsumption.

There comes a point when “it’s time to change your ambitions and go from wanting to enjoying,” says Dimitriu.

“I think it’s important to have as much practice with the brakes as with the accelerator,” he added.

“It’s human nature to improve and that’s what has driven us to succeed in a number of ways,” Alam said.

And while this new research sheds light on how some of these mechanisms might be beneficial, be aware that the consequences have been known for some time.

“One of the things to look at is that [marketers] Study our reward systems a lot more than we think. Being seduced by modern marketing techniques always leaves you feeling like you want more,” Alam said.

Now that you know that your mind can somehow work toward your own unhappiness, what can you do to stop it?

“People who are always clear about what they want tend to do slightly better than those who are constantly unsure of what they want,” Alam said.

He advised that “decision-making preparation, meditation, self-care, and an awareness of your own limitations, coping style, and personality are important to ensure your choices are consistent with who you are.”

“A great way to shake things up is to clarify and connect with your life goals. You can work with a therapist to help you conduct a values ​​assessment, or you can do it yourself,” Dowd said.

Dimitriu suggested, “Mindfulness, more family time, or more unplanned time to pursue interests, or to appreciate and use the things you have.”

“Other important gratitude practices are sharing gratitude with others, asking ourselves what we are grateful for, and maybe even making a list of things, remembering the wonderful things others have done for us, and finally themselves remembering times in your life that weren’t as good as they are now and being thankful for the way things are now,” Kaplan said.

“Or if things aren’t good now, remember that they won’t always be like this,” Kaplan added.